On October 1, 2016, my grandmother passed away. So my immediate maternal family decided we should all give up our own planned goals for Christmas to unite to have one memorial dinner to celebrate and remember mother and grandmother, and to be with stepfather or step grandfather (grandchildren, great grandchildren) on Christmas day.
As many of you know I am a biological co-parent of four kids (3 daughters and 1 son): it ain't easy. In fact, as the years go along, it has been a little more challenging then we thought it would be in dividing time with all the maternal and parternal family sets. Both family sets are active in family gatherings for birthdays, holidays, etc. My children have now learned how to label and identify the fun habits or traditions of both maternal and paternal sets. As they become older, they are making choices to do or not to do...
As we sacrificed our time--a memorial dinner--I noticed that
- There were no arguments about who would sit where. We were mostly quiet while silently wondering about this new experience.
- In fact, we didn't have one challenging conversation the entire time. OMG!
- We missed hearing my grandmother complain--about having all of us over in such a small area of home-style space as she often did, or the verbal action of to many people trying to talk to her at one time (the grand kids repeating "Mom-Mom" over and over again, or touching some new home decor without asking). She would say, "Whaaattttt or Damn ..."
- We actually were more at peace and found the meal very pleasant.
- We dined in the family room while my step grandfather remained in the living room watching television, as he always did.
- We didn't have anyone leading the activities of the dinner. Everyone did there own thing. Advice: There should be some type of outline of what to anticipate before and after the meal.
- After the dinner, it would have been nice if we ended quality family time by all going to her grave, or adding something special to her most favorite time of the year "to just be and share with family and friends".
And isn't that the main point of Christmas (the actions of Jesus) to just be and share with family, friends, and true like-minded faith believers?
Sadly, we have learned a new tradition, a new first, for our family holiday traditions of how to gather without the ones we loved.