This is a current (2013) interview featuring my ex-husband who played a major role in my first published book: The Script in My Box: A Journal of Forgiveness (2012, August).
Victor is 41, the same age as me. We now share the responsibility of parenting our four biological children who are now enrolled in public schools versus home schooling.
Sherlene: First, I would like to thank you for accepting this opportunity. This interview will provide my audience an update of personal strengths and weakness involving family bonding issues.
Victor: Okay, I was wondering when you were going to allow me to give my point of view of your book.
Sherlene: Before we begin, we have already decided, on many issues, that we agree to disagree. I guess one could say that is why we are divorced.
Victor: (interrupts) And, because you would not listen to me when I told you not to do the things that you were doing with the kid’s and schooling, and trying to help in the community of Chestertown (Maryland).
Sherlene: Okay, I accept that. But do you understand that I wanted our kids to exceed in education - modern or traditional? After all, I started a school for crying out loud. Let’s move on with the interview, please. (This is once again avoidance of the given topics of our discussion.)
Victor: Okay, Sherlene.
Sherlene: How did we meet?
Victor: We met in high school. You had just moved in with your grandparents who lived about ten minutes away from where I lived. Sometimes I would ride the evening bus just so we could spend time together (I normally participated in after school activities: FBLA, etc.).
Sherlene: As a child, were you allowed to play in your neighborhood?
Victor: No, I was only allowed to play in my grand parents’ (big) yard. If I even tried to leave the yard, my mother would give me a spanking.
Sherlene: I heard that was almost every day, right? (smiling)
Victor: No response. (no expression)
Sherlene: Do you have any regrets involving our marital relationship?
Victor: Many, I think the biggest issue that I’ve had was being a man and explaining why I didn’t want to be married to you.
Sherlene: Yes, that was a shocking event. (tearful eyes)
Victor: I didn’t want to hurt you, but I never really wanted to be married to you. I wanted you to do your thing, and I wanted to do mine.
Sherlene: Yes, it took a while for me to accept your views of our marriage. It was more like being roommates than in a real relationship. And then the kids came along, right?
Victor: Riigghttt! Like I said, I knew when our oldest daughter was just a baby that I was going to raise her all by myself. You were in college and working (both full time).
Sherlene: Okay. (trying to be calm like him) Do you feel comfortable having to take on the role of both parents?
Victor: Sherlene, you know that I never wanted you not to be in our children’s lives. You just wouldn’t leave those White people alone. They told you to put the kids in the public schools, but you wouldn’t do it. Then, you tried to open a school. What Black person do you know does that?
Sherlene: That’s right, that’s what you said to me on many occasions. I remember when you wouldn’t even help me when my 4-H club (Young Developers 4-H club) had almost, like 20 in-town kids in it. Everybody helped me except for you.
Victor: Uh, huh. I told you to stop. (no expression)
Sherlene: Yes, you did, you’re right. So what happened when we moved to Caroline County (Maryland
Victor: I didn’t give you a key because I didn’t have to. I didn’t place your name on the rental because I was paying the bills, not you. (little annoyed)
Sherlene: So when the Worker asked you to change the lock on the doors, and forced me to leave our kids…how did that make you feel?
Victor: For one, I was tired of them coming around us (us and the kids). At that point, I was ready to do anything just to get them out of my life. You tried to leave with the kids (I rented a house in my home town.), you placed them in the elementary school (my home town’s public school), and they still kept coming around you. Some days, I would be coming home from working a long day, and they would be knocking on the (house apartment's) door. Finally, I said to myself this is enough. After you left town, there was no more visits from them. I don’t even go to their schools if I don’t have to. I just want to be without drama in my life.
Sherlene: If you never wanted to be married to me, why would you care if others knew about it?
Victor: No comment. (Pause) And now, I am forced to raise our kids on a full time basis, without you, their mother. I do the best that I can. It’s not like you give me any (financial) help. It’s not like those White people are giving me any help, either. I am doing the best that I can.
Sherlene: You’re right. Why do you believe that I am not providing any financial assistance with the kids?
Victor: No comment. (pause) Sherlene, when we were together you handled it all, you were doing your thing. You helped in paying the bills, etc…..because of those White people I missed out on my younger days…of being single and all. While everybody else was having a good time; we were married. There are things in life that I would like to have, too. You know that I never had my own bedroom until we moved in together (as teens).
Sherlene: Is there any advice that you would like to give to my audience families?
Victor: Man, take your time. Live life to the fullest, and then get married. There were so many times where I tried to break up with her, but the White people wouldn’t allow it. They made it so hard for us. I am just glad that it’s over. I am glad that we’re even friends after all we’ve been through together. (No expression)
Sherlene: Well, thank you for allowing me to be the mother of our four wonderful kids. I am so thankful that we really didn’t miss out on much during our teen years. Thank you for this personal interview and being honest.
Victor: Yeah (sort of laughing). [End of interview]